Denise Zavitson – The Seven Affirmations for Living

Denise Zavitson – The Seven Affirmations for Living Transcript

Intro: [00:00:00] Who wants, but they will want to find a coffee. I just make coffee. You want a cup of coffee? and now it’s time for the man with the caffeine, the new tropics for the brain. It’s coffee with Mike, hang in, hang tight, grab your cup and let’s get this thing started.

[00:00:27] Mike: [00:00:27] Everybody welcome back to Java Chat. This is @Coffee.With.Mike, and I get the pleasure of interviewing Denise Zavitson. Today, this one’s going to be interesting, you guys. We get to get deep on some cool subjects. She’s somebody that’s come back just like anybody else. We all have our stories, right? She comes back from one of those stories. And I am definitely going to have her share that with us, but let’s start off by saying good morning and thanks for joining us. 

[00:00:56] Denise Zavitson: [00:00:56] Good morning. Good morning, Mike. 

[00:00:58] Mike: [00:00:58] Where are you at? You’re in Tennessee?

[00:01:01] Denise Zavitson: [00:01:01] In Tennessee, just outside of Nashville.

[00:01:03] Mike: [00:01:03] Just outside of Nashville. So you’re already well into your day and I’m just getting my first cup of coffee. So if my tongue doesn’t work, please forgive me. I wanted to read a little bit of her background. She’s been through some stuff, you guys. And, you know, everybody’s got their story and in the midst of all of that stuff, she decided to make a change.

[00:01:25] She decided to make a shift and you guys all know that I’m a big believer in, you know, shift happens. Yes, the book and the concept. I really wanna want you to share that story because I don’t think two paragraphs is going to do it justice. So, what’s your story about? Share your story. Who’s Denise and what are you about? Tell us.

[00:01:55] Denise Zavitson: [00:01:55] Well, you know, it’s funny because, as you say, everybody has their stories and for me, it was kind of like, look guys, I’ve stubbed my toe so many times. Watch what I’ve done and learn so you don’t have to stub it as much because, you know, I’ve had quite a few failings in my life.

[00:02:14] And, you know, you pick yourself up and you get back on the horse and you keep going. And that’s probably the first lesson I ever had when I was a kid. You know, get out, get on that horse, fall off and get back on. And then I’ve done so much studying over the years by thought leaders, and I think that influenced my ability to get back on the horse even more when I stumbled. And divorce loss, the farm. And then the tragedy that happened in my life, which was when my parents were killed in a car accident and his sister was left in a coma.

[00:02:49] Mike: [00:02:49] Oh my goodness.

[00:02:50]Denise Zavitson: [00:02:50] I was in a dolt at the time it’s been, uh, several years ago, but, you know, it was a pause, a cause for pause opportunity and an opportunity for growth and to encourage wisdom or reach for that wisdom. But I didn’t do it right away, you know? 

[00:03:09] Mike: [00:03:09] Yeah. It always seems to take a moment, you know, because when you’re in the midst of the storm, it’s kind of hard to see what’s going on. 

[00:03:17] Denise Zavitson: [00:03:17] Yeah, absolutely. I remember vividly feeling like Humpty Dumpty, like, Oh, I’m sorry. I can’t get up. I think that happens, too. I work with a lot of people and talk to my clients and I’m just getting over loss. Part of it is we could all benefit from a little hospice now and then, even if we haven’t lost a life. When we have loss in our lives, it goes through that same process. You have to heal a little bit. You have to give yourself some time and—

[00:03:55] Mike: [00:03:55] There’s something to be said about grieving, right? It’s interesting that a lot of people don’t feel that there’s time for that. And it’s like, I don’t think they understand this is a human condition. If we don’t grieve, that only gets repressed and it just becomes bigger. It becomes a bigger issue later on in life. 

[00:04:16] Denise Zavitson: [00:04:16] Absolutely. It will bury itself down and burrow in and you know, like a little virus it’ll come back when you, when you can’t afford for it to be back, it’ll bubble up. 

[00:04:27]Mike: [00:04:27] It’s a self-sabotage. I’ve seen it. I’ve had it happen to me. So, you’re a coach, a consultant? 

[00:04:36] Denise Zavitson: [00:04:36] Yeah, I’m a life coach. I coach but primarily an author. I do some speaking engagements, too.

[00:04:46] Mike: [00:04:46] Yeah, we’ll have to talk about that. If you’re an author, that means you’ve got books. Good thing. So, you went through this time of loss and I can’t imagine what that must be like with both parents. That had to have been one heck of a downward spiral.

[00:05:07] Denise Zavitson: [00:05:07] Yeah, it was. Of course, I was an adult. I had my own kids. I was also in, this was the biggest blessing that I had no idea where it came from, but I was working with hospice at the time as a, really from a, from a volunteer standpoint.

[00:05:30] And so I had a lot of. Knowledge in my head about what you’re supposed to do, but it also, when it happened to me, then I was able to kind of employ that and, and use it and understand that. It’s a process. So, you know, we kind of go through it and give it the time that it needs, and I think that helped a lot.

[00:05:55] Mike: [00:05:55] So there’s this, there’s this point in time where, you know, you might feel like you’re—Because like it happened to me and it was interesting that it was over a relationship. You feel like you’re disconnected, for lack of a better term, because that encompasses everything that I’m not loved or I’m not worthy. I’m not this. I’m not that.

[00:06:14] And it all runs down one street really fast. It’s like, I’ve got the thing. My friend always calls us stoke. He says, I used to own a Rolls Carly for a car. And you guys know what that is. Rolls down one hill, could hardly roll up the other and that was life. And then all of a sudden, when the bad stuff comes, it’s like somebody handing you the keys to a Lamborghini and said, here, try this.

[00:06:41] And, your mind wants to run down that road. What do you do when you get into that space? I mean, because it happens to entrepreneurs a lot. I know a ton of them that are somewhat empathic, obviously very passionate. And when you got passionate people running down, any thought attack process is one immediate to very hard to stop.

[00:07:06] Denise Zavitson: [00:07:06] Yes, absolutely. You know, so in terms of kind of grabbing, embracing that loss, living with a little bit, and then kind of picking yourself back up and making that decision. And you mentioned entrepreneurs, you know, it’s such a solitary “Yes and,” and I think they can find themselves. As you say disconnected, I remember feeling like I belonged on the Island of misfit toys.

[00:07:42] You know, I just, there wasn’t that feeling, there was no belonging. And so for me, the answer was to turn inward for reflection, and you know, part of my experience was getting around. So turn inward for reflection, but also go outward to connections, which I think are such a critical path to getting back into.

[00:08:10] Mike: [00:08:10] What are you talking about? Going outside the connections? You’re talking about reaching out to friends and family?

[00:08:15]Denise Zavitson: [00:08:15] There are so many ways to connect. And I think we particularly get in these bubbles, especially now, and we start to bury or insulate ourselves in these bubbles with them. With social media, television, you know, we get in the car, we turn the radio on and so we’ve got connection with ourselves.

[00:08:38] We’ve got connections. We can connect with our pets. We can connect with nature, but how many times do we just sleep, walk through the day and not really embrace those connections? Not really take a minute to be connected. 

[00:08:52] Mike: [00:08:52] I think that’s a daily occurrence for anybody, not just entrepreneurs. I mean, I’ve got friends that sit there and they like, man, the week’s gone. I’m like, did you wake up? And they’re response, Of course. I will come by and say no, no, no, no. You missed the question. Did you wake up this week? Like what got you out of bed? What woke you up this morning? I had to go to work. 

[00:09:17] Denise Zavitson: [00:09:17] Yeah, absolutely. And again, entrepreneurs are very focused, usually very driven, but how often do we miss that opportunity to say, Wow, I just went to get a cup of coffee and I couldn’t tell you whether it was a man or a woman. I couldn’t tell you what they looked like because you weren’t there, you weren’t present in that moment and you may have missed a big opportunity. Who knows? Maybe it was your next relationship.

[00:09:46] Mike: [00:09:46] Yeah, it could have been, or it could have just been a nice, friendly conversation that would have left both people feeling, Oh, it’s fulfilling to leave a smile on someone’s face. And then I don’t think everybody remembers that. They think it’s just a process. 

[00:10:01] Denise Zavitson: [00:10:01] Well, and when you do that, you’re not just helping the other person feel better. It’s like a mirror and that comes back at you in a good way. 

[00:10:10] Mike: [00:10:10] It’s a total, um, what’s the term? It goes by the law of reciprocation if I remember correctly, but it’s just this total thing where it’s an energy shared, I guess, is the best way I can say it. So for your deal, you went through the process and from what I’m hearing, it kind of sounds like you went on a pilgrimage of a sort, just to get out of this. How did that happen? 

[00:10:34] Denise Zavitson: [00:10:34] I did. So, yeah, we had the loss, we got through it, you know, there were actually four years when my sister was in the coma. She never regained consciousness, so it upended all of our lives. You know, I get the benefit out of all my family of having been through kind of really involved in hospice. 

[00:10:57] And so we made it through there and I talk about, you know, just brushing your teeth one day, trying to brush your hair the next day and maybe you’ll get to the mailbox and then slowly start to re-engage in life. But for me, it also was a wake up call and I say, that’s really part of the benefit. I lost my family physically, but I was able to go through my process. 

[00:11:32] And really, like you say, a pilgrimage, I started reflecting more on like, Look, none of us, mom and dad happened to have the accident, and they were gone, but none of us are guaranteed the next five minutes, let alone another 20 years. So wake up, tap on the shoulder, time to get busy. I believe that our, our attitudes or thoughts, we have so much power in us if we’ll take that step forward. And so for me, it was that saying, What am I going to do to really make a change in my life to find the purpose that I need?

[00:11:58] And so, I soon started Googling. You know, a good Catholic girl found a Buddhist community in California, and I went for six months out there and then continued to work with them for several more years. They have me in California. They published sacred texts.

[00:12:19] And so I’ve spent time there. That was, you know, this whole time of, Okay, meditating, I’d never done this before. And I’m a, I’ve been a meditator for a lot of years, but, this was, you know, 40 minutes in the morning. A lot of no talking throughout the day. So it was a silent kind of retreat and it gave me an opportunity to really learn.

[00:12:45] So I studied a lot. I was reading a lot from all sides and all religions. And, it was such a great experience for me, very cathartic. And when I got back, I had started writing a book here in Nashville. I found that I wasn’t ready to reimburse myself completely. I’d had a series of a couple bad relationships and felt very alone.

[00:13:11] My kids were all in college, and so I found a cabin in the woods. I was reading David Thureau and I thought, well, if he can do it, I can go find my Walden Pond. So I found a river and a little cabin, and I spent the year there by myself. I came out every so often just to remember who’s there and talk to people again, but it was such a fabulous experience for me to find myself. And that was the way out of him back into fully living a joy-filled life.

[00:13:49] Mike: [00:13:49] That’s sweet. During that time that you were there, and I just want to touch on this real quick because we gotta take a short break, but during the time that you were there, you figured out a few things. One of them being something that most entrepreneurs know about, which are affirmations, and business professional students, not just entrepreneurs, but can you just talk a little bit about how you came to the ones that you use and how they serve?

[00:14:24] Denise Zavitson: [00:14:24] Yeah. So for me, they are affirmations. I think for what I find them to be as real foundations if I can keep these present in my daily activity. There’s seven of them, and they really kind of came to me when I was writing. I know that sounds a little woo woo, but that’s all I can explain it is.

[00:14:47] Mike: [00:14:47] There’s woo woo everywhere. It’s all good. 

[00:14:50] Denise Zavitson: [00:14:50] Good.So they came through me and they provide a foundation. So, you know, things like impermanence, which is just a reminder of look, today’s the day you have used it as a gift. Be grateful for it. Gratitude is another one to understand the importance of and release expectations.

[00:15:08] So thinking, Oh, I should be doing this, or my parents wanted me to be an attorney and I’m not, that’s not where I’m finding the joy. So there’s seven of them. And I use them really as foundations in the fact that they’re an affirmation that really just brings them back to light for me every day.

[00:15:26] Mike: [00:15:26] That’s cool. That’s cool. Well, we’re going to talk a little bit more about that when we come back because I think that leads into motivation and that’s usually the second section anyway. So guys, we’re gonna take a short 30 seconds. We’ll be right back with Denise Zavitson, and this is cool. This is good. See you guys in a second.

[00:15:48] And we’re back! You guys, we’re here on Java Chat with Denise Zavtison here talking about wow, talking about life and dealing with loss and coming back from loss and just like really putting into some seriously good practices. So in this section, we always talk about what motivates us and she started talking about affirmations, things that she uses on a daily basis to keep her moving forward.

[00:16:11] And I want to get into some of them. Before we do that, there’s one thing that we were actually discussing pre-show, and I don’t care what you believe in, whether that’s religious theocratic, whatever, there’s this thing about releasing attachment or what some call surrender that I think is an important subject to talk about.

[00:16:40] I haven’t heard any of our other guests talk about it yet, but if you become too attached to the outcome, which happens a lot more often than not, that could cause some problems. Would you agree with that?

[00:16:57]Denise Zavitson: [00:16:57] I absolutely think so. I see more unhappiness and dissatisfaction with life and with daily life because somebody is attached to an outcome or attached to what they perceive should be the process and when you can release that. You know, it’s almost like we’re swimming upstream half the time. And so if you can just sit back and say, yeah, you know, everything’s an opportunity. Let me just be an observer on this piece of it and stay awake, stay aware, so that I can take opportunities as they come along.

[00:17:37] I think, especially in business, but in all of life, if we get too attached to, well, my child’s supposed to be a straight A student and you know, and then this poor kid is not getting to be who he or she is. The Buddhist will say it causes a lot of suffering by being attached and surrendering to a greater purpose to your purpose.

[00:17:58] By being attached and surrendering to a greater purpose to your purpose. And that’s part of that reflection is just finding your authentic self and where that joy is because an entrepreneur, especially when there’s joy involved in it, when it’s not just work, when there’s passion, man, that’s a pretty cool way to live.

[00:18:20] Mike: [00:18:20] I find that. And just to add on to that, cause I’ve studied other religions and other theologies and things. Even those who don’t believe that are successful, also understand you can’t be attached to anything. You need to be attached to the process as it unfolds. 

[00:18:42] If you’re attached to the outcome of that goal hitting, it becomes a lot less productive. It becomes a lot more stressful and it just, it’s an unnecessary pressure because you don’t know what the final catalyst is going to be.

[00:19:04] Denise Zavitson: [00:19:04] You know, I use the metaphor of planting a seed and my book is actually a little like an adult fable. I call it transformational fiction. So it is fiction, but it’s about, you know, a mindful gardener. And so you take a seed and you don’t know what it is and you plant it.

[00:19:23] But if you are dead set on that being, you know, an apple tree, and a tomato sprouts. You’re just going to be miserable and you miss out on the delicious tomato, right? So the planting of it is such an important part. And I think it works in business. You enjoy and put your heart and soul into the process and you’re right then not to become so attached to, “it must turn out this way.”

[00:19:51] So what’s your intention versus maybe a goal. Where does the intention go? And it can be a daily intention. It can be an hourly intention. It can be a 10 year intention, but then you put your attention on your intention and the magic happens. 

[00:20:13] Mike: [00:20:13] Yeah. It’s interesting to see too, that basically you’re describing a pivot. As far as a company or an entrepreneurship journey is when you’re in a, the old term, lean startup was one of the ones that really framed pivot very well. And the idea is we have a goal. We want a successful business based on *shooo*, and then the market comes back and goes, nah, we don’t want that. We want this instead. And the ones that are attached to the outcome are like, but, but we have this. And it’s like, okay, you’re not making it past two years, buddy. 

[00:20:46] Denise Zavitson: [00:20:46] Right. Well, that attachment that holding tight onto something. 

[00:20:52] Mike: [00:20:52] Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Looking at the ones that have been successful, I mean, they’ve pivoted three, four times because the market came back and went, Oh, we thought we wanted this. And when you have people and I’m very happy to see that the later generations that are coming up after us get this. And they’re like, well, dammit fine. And they make the shift, but there are still so many out there that are not yet. I just for lack of a better term, they’re just not getting that part and they get stuck on something.

[00:21:29] And then they wonder why the structure, the stress, the struggle, the friction, the non, the non achievement. And it only drives their own emotions further down. What you’ve given just now is the ability to simply let go for all intents and purposes. Let the F go. 

[00:21:53] Denise Zavitson: [00:21:53] It’s powerful. Yes. 

[00:21:56] Mike: [00:21:56] You, you stand to gain a lot more than you will ever lose. 

[00:22:02] Denise Zavitson: [00:22:02] Yeah. And you know, the holding on can, especially in a company of any kind of size, can almost cause cancer to start. You wind up with employees who are so struggling and trying to live within an environment that’s not working. It’s just, it’s like a shoe that doesn’t fit right. Or lobster outgrowing its shell. 

[00:22:26] Mike: [00:22:26] Oh my gosh. I have so many bad stories about that. Anyway, so to get into these affirmations, you said there’s seven of them, right? These are what motivate you to get up and move on?

[00:22:37] Denise Zavitson: [00:22:37] Yeah. 

[00:22:40] Mike: [00:22:40] Okay. So briefly go through them. Just named the seven and let’s pick two or three and let’s go dig.

[00:22:48] Denise Zavitson: [00:22:48] It is impermanence, gratitude, authentic connections, non-attachment or releasing expectations, the gift of change. The fact that there’s an inner knowing I need to listen, not only with our ears, but our heart and mindful responsibility.

[00:23:14] Mike: [00:23:14] What was the second to the last one again? Inner knowing, that’s what I’m interested in. I love this one. I love this one. Let’s let’s dig in. Let’s dig in and see what this one’s about. 

[00:23:39] Denise Zavitson: [00:23:39] Yeah. So inner knowing: I listen with my heart to myself, to others, and to God or spirit using my mind, ears, eyes, and other senses only to gather information before speaking or acting. I rely on my heart to receive all messages with compassion, love, and understanding, and to guide my actions, accordingly.

[00:24:00] Mike: [00:24:00] Jeez. You just designed someone’s life. What the heck? How does that apply? 

[00:24:07] Denise Zavitson: [00:24:07] You know, inner knowing for me, it goes all the way to that moment of intuition where you say, you know what, I need not to leave too quickly here. I know I’m supposed to be out the door, but something saying, take another minute and check, double, check everything.

[00:24:24] You know, you’ve got it. We all have. An inner knowing in us that if we just start tuning in and listening, it’s hard to do sometimes when we’re checking our phone and we’re turning and I love social media and TV and all this other stuff, but it’s time and place, right? Balance.

[00:24:43] Mike: [00:24:43] How do you get there? I mean, if you’re going to, cause we’re talking about tuning in, how do you get to that point of being able to become more? Cause that sounds like awareness to me. 

[00:24:55] Denise Zavitson: [00:24:55] Yeah, it is. It’s mindfulness awareness. You know, it’s,  I don’t know if you’re familiar with Rom Doss, Be Here Now, from what 50 years ago or 40 years ago now. It’s that thing of saying, I want to be present today and take some time, you know, meditation, prayer, whatever it is. Just take some time to sit and with your breath, five minutes. It doesn’t have to be 24 hours a day. Doesn’t have to be 40 minutes a day. There’s benefit to just small segments of it.

[00:25:31] Mike: [00:25:31] Number two is one that everybody’s familiar with: Gratitude. What was after gratitude?

[00:25:39] Denise Zavitson: [00:25:39] Authentic connections. 

[00:25:43] Mike: [00:25:43] Yeah, yeah, yeah. 

[00:25:45] Denise Zavitson: [00:25:45] Still a lot missing on people doing that. Especially during this time, you know, I’m going to blame social media again because grandma, too. But I think it’s become an escape hatch. That’s not necessarily where you want to go. We use it maybe more than we should. And so we’re missing out on authentic connections. How many times do you feed the dog before you have your first cup of coffee and you’re like, whatever, just eat, just go, do whatever, do whatever. 

[00:26:21] You take a minute to be there authentically, to really, really connect. So a little another piece of woo woo, I believe that there’s a recharge of energy that comes back and builds both of you up, whether it’s an animal or a person up a tree. Go hug a tree. 

[00:26:40] Mike: [00:26:40] It’s really interesting to see that. People, it’s already been established. The universe is energy based, no matter what you do, whether you know, atoms and all of the crazy things that go on with them. You know, the guy that sits there and they’re banging two hammers together, they’ll never touch.

[00:26:57] What’s interesting to me is people forget that because we’re energy-based. Energy transfers between people, even when we’re just passing by. That’d be looking at them, but guess what? Their atoms and your atoms, you’re creating something between, you see the kind of energy that you create depends on you.

[00:27:20] What are you thinking about? What are you doing? Did you just walk by? Did you smile? Did you, you know, even in that small passing moment, and I’ve always said this = on my social media and all, let’s make somebody smile today. 

[00:27:35] Denise Zavitson: [00:27:35] Absolutely. Absolutely. Spread some sunshine. 

[00:27:39] Mike: [00:27:39] You’re listening. Your day could be an absolute cat five hurricane. If you smile at that one person that’s got that same cat five hurricane, you just downgraded them to a two. 

[00:27:49] Denise Zavitson: [00:27:49] Yes. I love that 

[00:27:53] Mike: [00:27:53] These weird analogies that I come up with once in a while, but honestly, life is a storm. No matter what you do, our lives are always in some kind of organized or disorganized chaos, hopefully not disorganized, but organized chaos where just to have somebody smile back without expectation. You know, just to have somebody smile back, all of a sudden you feel a little different, you can’t say that you don’t. I mean, unless you’re just one of those people, but for the most part, it’s just an exchange.

[00:28:27]Denise Zavitson: [00:28:27] And, you can’t do that if you’re not authentically doing it, right. It can’t be like, Oh, hi, how are you? And, being off on another planet in your mind.

[00:28:40] Mike: [00:28:40] The first thing I thought of when you just said that was Warner Brothers, the sheep dog and the coyote. Oh, Ralph. Oh, Fred. They were like two buddies that are just clocking in here’s the work. And then these two go at it after each other, the whole day and for sheep. And at the end of the day, they’re punching out. And I ran with that blue note, Fred. But if you think about it, they were so well in tune with each other. Each one knew what the other one was going to do. 

[00:29:07] Denise Zavitson: [00:29:07] But you know, we do this with our kids, even particularly now, you know, go get on your computer, do whatever. We’ll sit down at meals or maybe don’t sit down at meals and you just miss an opportunity to be there together, authentically connected. It’s going to come inside and build you up bigger. 

[00:29:26] Mike: [00:29:26] It’s interesting while we’re missing that they’re authentically connecting online. Now, my son, who’s 19 and, and I’ve literally witnessed this and my mind was absolutely blown, there still isn’t the complete connection in person, but they’ve connected online as if they had already been doing so.

[00:29:46] Yeah, he literally, he just got back from Chicago last weekend. He went for just a day or two to go hang out with a couple of buddies of his. While he was there, he was sending me photos and talking with me on social media, showing me he was enjoying himself. And I was like, awesome. And he’s like, yeah, eight years later.

[00:30:01] And I’m like, Oh my goodness. That was the last time we were up there in Chicago. We were together. He came with me and to see his connection on his computer to these guys. And they’re constantly talking, they’re in Discord. Somebody is always talking about something. I’ll walk into his room. His headphones are still on, he’s asleep, they’re still talking. I can hear it. And it’s like, this is their life. This is how they connect this. 

[00:30:29] Denise Zavitson: [00:30:29] I laugh because I think it may be kind of training wheels for when we do go to Mars or part of the plan at someplace else. 

[00:30:37] Mike: [00:30:37] Right. I agree. I agree. And it’s going to happen. I mean, it’s been in the workforce for how many umpteen years now? Everybody’s been talking about it. And now we finally got to a guy who’s actually designing it and making it work it’s right on the line. Love you, man. Um, so when we’re looking at making that authentic connection, what are we doing? What’s the process here? What’s the thought behind this?

[00:31:06] Denise Zavitson: [00:31:06] Well, again, it goes back to my mindfulness and I think being in and you can be authentically connected to yourself, right? It just takes some time. I’m going to go back to the “be here now” thing. Cause why recreate it when somebody said it so well before? Just be present, sit with your breath, look at the person in the eyes. You know when you’ve connected and you know when you disconnected, right?

[00:31:34] But, you know, when you connect it, there’s that feeling of being present, not allowing yourself to be distracted and thinking about bills to pay or next appointment or all that.

[00:31:49] Mike: [00:31:49] It’s interesting that you mentioned that because I know a lot of people that would be like, Ooh, that’s creepy. Let me, let me qualify. The younger generations were not raised like we were, and we didn’t go through what you’ve gone through, what I’ve gone through. And when they sit there and say, I have to stare at this person, isn’t that what couples do? No, it’s what humans do. 

[00:32:15] If you could sit there and look at somebody in the eye, connect with them and send them love without being that other thing that everybody creeps out over. You’ve done it. And at that time point you’ve connected and you can do it without saying a single word and all of a sudden feel like you’ve known them for however, you know, however long I’ve I’ve done it.

[00:32:39] I’ve had it done to me. The first time it was done to me I freaked out because I was just like, I really I’m sitting here vibing with another dude. Another guy and like, never before it’s freaking me out because all of a sudden that’s like my culture. If I like you, I make you fam. Whether you’re really family or not, may or may not hit. 

[00:33:07] I sat down with one, one guy and we connected, just sat there and just stared at each other for a minute. And I was like, I really feel like you’re my brother. I’ll stand back to back with you. What do you want to do? Yeah, so that just, just so that our listeners are clear, authentic connection is connecting energy that is beneficial to each other. It’s not about being sexual. It’s not about being anything else. It’s about making a sincere connection of who you are. 

[00:33:42] Denise Zavitson: [00:33:42] I see you. I see. Well, so the Namaste, which is becoming very popular in culture today, but the truth is it is just, the God in me sees the God in you. I see you. And I love that. Wouldn’t it be cool if we could all just greet each other that way?

[00:34:02] Mike: [00:34:02] There is a movement. It’s kind of bubbling under the surface of that. I’m seeing it. It’s not happening in the way that we understand it because we get into the meta of all of that.

[00:34:18] Denise Zavitson: [00:34:18] Right? 

[00:34:19] Mike: [00:34:19] What is happening with the younger generations? The new gen Z’s are really figuring out that there needs to be a connection. They are figuring out that there needs to be more of a, Hey, we gotta, we gotta have something to work on here. 

[00:34:31] Denise Zavitson: [00:34:31] I think so too. I see it with my kids, as well. 

[00:34:33] Mike: [00:34:33] Yeah. It’s just so refreshing. 

[00:34:37] Denise Zavitson: [00:34:37] I feel it is. I’ve got a lot of hope in the coming generation. 

[00:34:41] Mike: [00:34:41] Yes. One of our guests that was on here, Joree Rose, she was talking about practice of mindfulness meditation and she doesn’t post. And when she interacts with her daughters and I see that same thing, and it’s just like, I’m really thankful. Destruction, obviously it’s cyclical, you know, every generation before blah, blah, blah, all of that stuff. But it’s encouraging to me to see that humankind is still progressing and evolving. 

[00:35:10] Denise Zavitson: [00:35:10] My phrase has always been, we evolved by generations. So, you know, if we’re aware, we stay awake. We can look at lessons that other people have gone through our generations before us and, and make changes in advance that’s evolution. Right.

[00:35:29]Mike: [00:35:29] I got something here that says—how does one go from being a pig farmer and a cave diver to becoming a coach, helping others? What the hell? You were a pig farmer?

[00:35:37] Denise Zavitson: [00:35:37] I was a pig farmer. I’m probably going to go to like pig hell for a little bit to atone for my sins. I came out of college. My parents were so proud. I had my degree and I came back and married a farmer and we started raising pigs. 

[00:35:55] Mike: [00:35:55] Nice. But now you’re, yeah. So you went from that to a cave diver? Okay.

[00:36:02]Denise Zavitson: [00:36:02] You know, I wasn’t a professional cave divers, so I didn’t make money. I didn’t make a living at it, but yeah, I started out as being an open water diver. I became a dive master and then fell in with a group of people that were cave divers. I got my certification. I think it’s like 3% of all divers in the world are cave divers. It’s a very dangerous sport.

[00:36:22] Mike: [00:36:22] Extremely dangerous. 

[00:36:24] Denise Zavitson: [00:36:24] And I was a little younger at the time. I don’t cave dive anymore. 

[00:36:28] Mike: [00:36:28] So well, me being from Hawaii, it’s one of the things that there’s plenty of out there. I did the open water. I didn’t do dive mastering, but we got to check out a few places. There’s an area off of Oahu, the main Island, that has caves and they do take you through some of the classes cause they’re so plentiful.

[00:36:49] I mean, they’re there. Of course, you got to watch which holes you go into just in case somebody else’s in there. Um, and I’m not talking about humans. It’s always that one little guest that shows up once in a while. Go on while you’re in my house. Um, did you bring anything with you? Did you bring enough with the class Mrs. Ross? So, you got into coaching? 

[00:37:14]Denise Zavitson: [00:37:14] I did, as I said, I got into coaching in large part because I was doing it and I wasn’t getting paid for it. And, it just seemed that something that I started doing as I was doing a lot of reading and studying. I would have people come to me and want to share their problems. And so, it just seemed like a wonderful thing to learn how and what coaching taught me was just to stay curious. Top lesson of all. 

[00:37:44] Mike: [00:37:44] Absolutely. Absolutely. 

[00:37:46] Denise Zavitson: [00:37:46] The other part is the answer to any problem is already within you. So a good coach is just going to bring out of you the answer you already know, you just it’s hidden.

[00:37:57] Mike: [00:37:57] I still get a kick out of it because I do know of some coaches, not mentioning names, but I know some coaches that, well, here’s what you can use. Here’s what you can do. And here’s how I’m looking at it going. You’re telling them, you’re not supposed to tell them. You’re supposed to help them tell themselves. That’s what a coach does: brings out the best, you know, but I digress. Anyway, we gotta take a break. This is going too fast. We got to take another break 30 more seconds and we’ll be right back. We’ll talk to you in a second. 

[00:38:28] And we’re back, gang. We’ve been here at Java Chat with Denise Zavitson, chatting about life, setting about affirmations and how they affect and how it can serve you best in life, whether that’s personal or business. Affirmations just in general are good to kickoff a day, and also good to end a day. A lot of people like them, but Dan Pena is one of those guys that does affirmations before he goes to bed 

[00:38:56] Denise Zavitson: [00:38:56] It’s powerful. 

[00:38:57] Mike: [00:38:57] Yeah, especially because you’re literally suggesting to your mind what I want you resting on. Not a wonder if I’m going to be able to pay that bill tomorrow.

[00:39:09]Denise Zavitson: [00:39:09] Exactly.

[00:39:13] Mike: [00:39:13] What do you find is the best time for your affirmations? And do you do both in the mornings, in the evenings? Or how does that work?

[00:39:24]Denise Zavitson: [00:39:24] Yeah, so I do primarily in the mornings just at the start of my day. But what I find is that I use them. I create a little thing. I could just pull one out, you know, when I needed a reminder. I use them when I’m going through a tough time. I come up against a wall. Where’s my affirmation? What do I need? What’s the reminder here? You know, if I get in that slump of saying, you know, dammit all this stuff’s going on and I’m, I can’t get up. I can’t get a break and you know what, I’ll go dig in and find gratitude. 

[00:40:05] Mike: [00:40:05] So for those that are listening, I’m sitting here with my hand raised, pointing to myself. I don’t think a single person doesn’t go through that though. 

[00:40:13] Denise Zavitson: [00:40:13] Oh, everybody does, but you know, who can bring us out of it faster than anybody? Us. 

[00:40:20] Mike: [00:40:20] Yeah. Yeah. I liked the fact that you go back to gratitude first. It was a thing that I used to do with a couple of my mentees. I literally would sit there and go when’s the last time you actually sat down and thanked in general, whether you want to thank God or you want to just be thankful, period? Just start with the simplest of things.

[00:40:38] And it was funny because we were sitting at a kitchen table and I said, when’s the last time you said thanks for salt. And they had this interesting look on their face, like the puppy dog that when they tilt their head, like, huh? When’s the last time you were thankful for salt? You realize that never had to be created.

[00:41:01] And we all know what salt is for. And they’re like, I never thought about that. I said, okay, so here’s your assignment. Go home, grab the salt and pepper shaker, start with those. And then I want you to go throughout whatever is visible. Start saying thank you for it. Start saying thank you for everything that you see.

[00:41:23] And again, the puppy dog looked. Everything? Like, yes, everything. Don’t forget your skin. And that really sent them over the edge. It’s just, I don’t get it. I’m like you will, when you do it. Two days later, I got a phone call. Wow, I’m like tripping out. I’m like, did you do it?

[00:41:44] They said, yeah. So how do you feel? Different. Different how? I feel good. Ah, so how’s the day look today? Well, I still got stuff to deal with. I said, and you weren’t thankful enough, go back and do it again. 

[00:42:03] Denise Zavitson: [00:42:03] Then, the followup to that would be that I have encouraged people to be grateful. But, then get to a place where you can say I’m grateful for that lousy relationship I had because man. A friend of mine said, you know, however, I’ve come to this, I bless it. It’s my finest moment. My deepest spirit. Because there you go. If it’s a lesson and you’re grateful for it, if it’s a bad experience or you’re grateful for it, you’ve learned that lesson.

[00:42:39] Mike: [00:42:39] Yeah, you don’t get the same one again. I think a lot of people forget that part. 

[00:42:43] Denise Zavitson: [00:42:43] Yes. Right. You don’t have to go through that course. Yeah. 

[00:42:46] Mike: [00:42:46] Well, it’s funny because everybody’s like, well, I keep getting the same lesson over and over. Well, apparently you didn’t learn it yet. Did you? What are you thankful for? Why would I be thankful for something like that? Um, because it’s trying to teach you something. How do you not see that then? We’re of the experience level. I’m starting to equate everything to Dungeons and Dragons, again. We’re of the experience level where we’ve succeeded past level 30.

[00:43:16] Denise Zavitson: [00:43:16] I like that.

[00:43:17] Mike: [00:43:17] We know better than to mess with the red dragon. We’re just, we’re just thankful that he’s there. I don’t don’t know why I went off that edge. Um, what would be your biggest piece of advice to anybody when it comes to what it is that you teach and coach on? And how can they improve just living?

[00:43:47] Denise Zavitson: [00:43:47] Yeah. I think for me the biggest piece of advice is: find the path to get back to you. I think, know yourself, find that first, because it’s not going to work with anybody else until you’re authentically connected to yourself. 

[00:44:12] Mike: [00:44:12] Thank you. Thank you. I think that’s even a reminder for me. Thank you. So yeah, don’t send me an invoice for that one. Um, I just started a program. I don’t need another one. 

[00:44:28]Denise Zavitson: [00:44:28] It’s a freebie. 

[00:44:30] Mike: [00:44:30] How long have you been coaching now? 

[00:44:37] Denise Zavitson: [00:44:37] Well, professionally, about a year.

[00:44:41]Mike: [00:44:41] Okay. But you’ve been doing this for a long time. I mean, yeah.

[00:44:44]Denise Zavitson: [00:44:44] Yes. And I wrote my book, my first book, I’m actually in process of my second book. My first book I wrote 10 years ago. So it’s, it’s been out there.

[00:44:52] Mike: [00:44:52] Well, when the next one comes out, you’ll have to let us know so we can make sure to tell everybody about it. What’s the next one about? 

[00:44:59] Denise Zavitson: [00:44:59] It goes more into the affirmations and creating what’s called “awaken to join.”

[00:45:05] Mike: [00:45:05] Yeah, definitely let us know because most likely, we’ll be getting it. So, you’ve gotten this far. What’s the biggest challenge you’re facing right now? 

[00:45:18] Denise Zavitson: [00:45:18] Oh, probably time. I had a client the other day throw it back at me because I hadn’t gotten some stuff done and they came back and said, what are you waiting for? Do you remember your affirmation, impermanence? 

[00:45:43] Mike: [00:45:43] Isn’t it amazing how it gets reflected back to us? Once in a while, I’ve had mentees do the same thing to me. Hey, you forgot to buy this and you forgot to do this. I’m like, yeah, I did. Thank you. 

[00:45:58] Denise Zavitson: [00:45:58] But you know, I think they, we call it a practice because I’m. Or I call it a practice because—

[00:46:04] Mike: [00:46:04] Ain’t nobody got a perfect yet. Everything is freaking practice. It’s kind of funny. Some people use it jokingly for the wrong reasons, but life is a practice. It doesn’t matter what we’re doing. We’re still practicing. Nobody perfects it. 

[00:46:22] Denise Zavitson: [00:46:22] I like to think of the Matrix, you know, where you’re just, you’re just uploading information. We have to go through these things and we just upload the information. 

[00:46:32] Mike: [00:46:32] The collective uploads information so that the rest of the collective can continue to improve and evolve. At least that’s what I see

[00:46:38]Denise Zavitson: [00:46:38] Inner knowing, right? Universal. 

[00:46:39] Mike: [00:46:39] Yeah. It goes back to the ins-and-outs that goes back to the end. Absolutely. So if somebody wants to find you, where can they do so? 

[00:46:47] Denise Zavitson: [00:46:47] So on social media because I bad mouth it, but I use it. It’s @DeniseZavitson 

[00:46:53] Mike: [00:46:53] Oh, that’s awesome. Yeah. Yeah. @Coffee.With.Mike isn’t the easiest one. I lucked out on Twitter, and Instagram still won’t let me have it. Then, you have to put periods in between everything it’s stupid, but it is what it is.

[00:47:08]Denise Zavitson: [00:47:08] I type on my phone and there winds up being periods after every word.

[00:47:11] Mike: [00:47:11] Oh, mine’s is N. The letter N gets in between everything. My fat thumbs. Yeah. It’s horrible. It looks like a huge run on sentence when I’m done. 

[00:47:20] Denise Zavitson: [00:47:20] Then my website, the easiest way to find it is denisezavitson.com. 

[00:47:24] Mike: [00:47:24] Of course guys, you know, those links will be down in the bottom, in the comments, of course, with some descriptions about Denise, what she does. They can connect with you on LinkedIn, as well?

[00:47:38] Denise Zavitson: [00:47:38] Yes, absolutely. 

[00:47:40] Mike: [00:47:40] Yeah, a lot of professionals like to find our guests over there. 

[00:47:44]Denise Zavitson: [00:47:44] I have affirmations on the website available as a free download. 

[00:47:49] Mike: [00:47:49] No way. Awesome. Definitely going to go check that out. I got my affirmations over here. It’s like, this keeps getting longer when I have to zero down a little bit again.

[00:48:01] Well, that’s wonderful. I really want to thank you for coming and investing some time with us having a cup of Java. We’ll probably need to have you come back when the new book comes out, so we can talk a little bit more about the book if you don’t mind.

[00:48:15]Denise Zavitson: [00:48:15] I love that. You’ll be one of my first copies I’ll send out.

[00:48:19] Mike: [00:48:19] Honored. Signed. Please sign.

[00:48:22]Denise Zavitson: [00:48:22] I will.

[00:48:25] Mike: [00:48:25] But yeah, definitely. Let’s have you back. Guys, you know, unfortunately, the time has already run out. I hate when I run out of time. You know how we love to end these. We love every one of you. Thank you very much for coming in and watching.

[00:48:42] For those on YouTube, don’t forget to subscribe if you have not yet. Make sure you hit the bell because the bell tells you when the next one comes. If you’re on any of the podcast platforms, I think 11 or 12 of them, make sure you subscribe there or download. If you’re listening on anchor, glad that you’re listening to us on the home base if you will, you can make donations to support this little podcast.

[00:49:07] We’re just a tiny one right now, but we will be big one day. You watch just watch. I’m not attached to the outcome, but it will be big one day. Let me tell you and make sure that you share this out with your friends. Share a tweet, share posts if you find anything that’s interesting. If you have questions, you know, there’s comments below.

[00:49:28] Ask a question, I’ll pass it over to Denise. She’ll get back to you. We just love everybody. We thank you for making the time to come and listen. Stay up, stay safe, stay healthy, and live for Denise Zavitson and myself, @Coffee.With.Mike. Ciao for now!

[00:49:50] Outro: [00:49:50] Information on Java chat visit www.JavaChatPodcast.com. You’ve been listening to @Coffee.With.Mike on Java Chat. Tune in weekly to this podcast. For the next episode, you can also download or subscribe today on your favorite podcast platform. A production of Oasis media group, LLC. Located in Las Vegas, Nevada. Copyright 2019, all rights reserved.

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